Christmas Food...

OK, Alison's newest blog mentioned some Christmas party food (the Christmas party that the Mom and I must have missed...). This brings to mind some traditional Christmas food and some of the sources.

Christmas Food Fact List
Aunt Betty's coffee cake - we all know the secret ingredient

Aunt Ester's sugar cookies - The overall favorite... Alison has come the closest to duplicating this past Christmas recipe with the combination of crispy and chewy consistancy

The Mom's turkey - with the elongated cooking time, great taste and the special way she has of figuring out when to put it in the oven
(take the weight of the turkey in pounds, add the number of minutes at 300 F and 190 F, divide it by the square root of the earths diameter, subtract the age of the oven, multiply it by the lunar new year date for 1989 and then add the time for dinner minus 1 hour...) When all this is done, it always comes out that the turkey goes in the oven at 2 am... hmmm...
Of course this is done so Alison doesn't say, "Yeww, this turkey is dry".

Pies - vast in number and made mostly with butter and sugar
(pecan, cherry, chess, pumpkin, sometimes apple (Mary's...) and of course fudge)

Aunt Suzanne's breakfast casserole and the BACON - she always cooks about 30 pounds of bacon...mmm...

What others need to be listed... There is alot more, I think.

mmmm...
The Dad

Questions...

OK, Christmas time is getting here.
To see if you are really getting into the Christmas spirit, there are a few questions that, if you have paid attention to the stuff you have seen and heard for the last 20+ years of your life, you should be able to answer.

OK...
1) Who always has the tallest Christmas tree in their house...

2) What is the first rule about packages under the tree...
(Don't be fooled by the many derivations you have heard or may think you know)

3)What are the first ornaments we ever had...
(The very first)

4)How many years did Nana needlepoint Christmas ornaments...

5)What is on our mantel during Christmas and why...
(Two specific things besides stockings)

6)What has been under the sofa in the music room for the last 20+ years...

7)What present did Uncle Joe give you kids one Christmas many years ago...
(You where all very excited to get it)

8)What "flavor" candle do we like to light during Christmas...

9)What unique ingredient was in Aunt Betty's coffee cake...

10)What figurine do I like to have next to my blue chair during Christmas...

See if you can answer these questions before you comment in case someone else has already posted their answers

Scoring:
1-3 Correct (Scrooge monkey)
4-6 Correct (OK but may have to listen to more of my stories...)
7-8 Correct (Good - you have reached Elf level)
9-10 Correct (Excellent - Santa level)

The Dad

Weather...

OK, as winter is now getting ready to come to Cookeville, it seems like a good time to mention a few Fact List facts about the weather and related temperatures. This is a topic of much discussion with kids and their usual complete disregard for cooler weather.

There is the much used Fact List fact:

A sweater is what a kid puts on when the parent is cold

BUT, there are some much finer derivations to this fact. When kids are younger you can "enforce" these facts but as they get older and think (of all things) that they have a life of their own, it gets to be more problematic.

So here are some of the Fact List facts about weather:

Temperatures above 70 - Kids can wear short sleeve shirts
Temperatures below 60 - Kids need to wear sweaters or jackets and sensible shoes
Temperatures toward 50 or below - Kids need to wear a good coat

OK, OK, OK as you can see, there are some gaps in these facts. This sometimes can lead to a ruling or judgement call by the parent. What if it is 65 outside...between the 60 and 70 facts. At this point you can get discussions and even some "rebellion" brewing.
You hear things like:
"But Daddy, if I have to wear a long sleeve shirt, I am going to "roast"..."
"Lee, honestly, I don't see why you have to have these silly rules, it is a beautiful day and I think the kids can wear short sleeves..."
(mmmfph...)

So, at this point you start taking the specific conditions into effect. It may be 65 but what is the wind like... So, being the considerate parent you make a "judgement" call and say:
"OK, since there is no wind today, the "feels like temperature" is a little warmer. If you take that into consideration and understand that the wind chill is not a factor, then you could probably get by with a short sleeve shirt, but..."

Now, as soon as the kids found that you were beginning to cave on the "short sleeve shirt fact" they knew they had you. Along about the words "since there is no wind today...", you would hear:
"Hey, we can wear short sleeve shirts today..."
"Yea..., I was going to anyway..."
"What happened, did Mom yell at Dad..."
"Yea, she did but he was starting to cave anyway..."
"Hey, how about wearing shorts, too... MOM, can we..."

(MMMMFPH...)

(More weather Fact List facts next...)

The Dad

Fair Fact List...

OK
Alison's newest blog mentions going to the fair and one of the top Fact List facts. The very top Fact List fact was thought of by The Mom, it is:

If Alison is home, she has to answer the phone when it rings

There is a long story about this one... to be discussed later...

So, you go to the fair and you want to go on a ride. These things zip around, snap you back and forth at rib and back snapping speeds, take you in the air and sneer at and mock the laws of physics and gravity. All the while, they are groaning, rattling and shaking in a way that means that every third bolt is missing and the only thing keeping it from launching its riders into distance places in the county is centrifugal force and several layers of corn dog grease.

But not only do people go on them, they cheerfully put their kids on them. If they paused to think, they would realize that the ride was put together and is being run by someone who you usually wouldn't let park your car. (I'm sure that there are proficient and capable people that work at these fairs but I just haven't seen one yet.)

So, the Fact List fact for fairs is:

Don't ride on anything that goes in a circle or leaves the ground

I like this Fact List fact (happy smile).

The Dad

Classification...

OK
I have just a few comments and a list fact about the methods of classification for people and their personalities that become popular every few years. These methods include the Myers Briggs, the Briggs and Straton (ask somebody if you don't know about this one), the Smith and Wesson and the Peanut Butter and Jelly methods.

All of these methods require you to answer questions that give you very little room to think and do not allow for the constant and changing degrees of your life. These method tests require you to pick one of two narrowly directed statements like:
-Would you prefer to eat a live snake or find a spider in your bed... (what...)
-Do you consider yourself instrinsic or introspective... (huh...)
-Would like to discuss Shakespeare with the Predator or the "Ring" girl... (eeeee...)

You start to say,
"Wait, these statements are really weird and..."
but then the one asking the questions says
"Come on, come on, come on, ya got to choose one".
So you just pick one and go to the next.

At the end the one giving the test says,
"OK, your test results show you are a WXYZ or a NERD or a NATURALBORNKILLER."
They then look in the reference book and state,
"You would make a good long distance swimmer or a Yak herder."
Then, they read about your rating and say,
"Your life's ambition should be to work for world peace or get a really good tan."

Tested, catagorized, defined and labeled all in about 5 minutes... (mmmpfh)

OK, here is the list fact.
"Be happy and don't scare the straights"

The Dad

Max...

OK, it is time to have a fact list about dogs. Most people, if they are "real americans", have had a dog in their life at sometime or another.

Here are a few items that people already know.
A dog is "mans/womans" best friend
All dogs go to heaven
Dogs are very loyal

But, here are a few new fact list items that include the dogs currently in our lives. These are:
Baxter (the Deez), the elder statesman/woman and formerly odiferous one
EV, the young attack husky
Mister Max, the one that wants your attention all the time

The fact list items are:
-You want a dog with spirit
(even though some of them cower like a frenchman during a thunderstorm)
-With spirit, a dog would come to your assistance at anytime for your safety
(unlike a cat that would hide under a bed or go get something to eat or completely ignore you or act like you are bothering them)
-A dog keeps watch over you at all times
(of couse, this includes barking at anything that even comes close to you or your house like a jogger, a car passing by or even a random squirrel)
-A dog is not subtle and communicates almost exclusively by action.
(once you can interpret what they want, this makes your life a little easier)
-A dog teaches you about life cycles
-Dogs can talk if you listen carefully enough
(this usually centers around food or just being happy)

The Dad

Mayonnaise...

OK, OK, OK... The comments I got concerning ribs and the various condiments that can or can not be used with them has required this post.

So, here are some new fact list items:

-There is no mayonnaise with ribs (There is no crying in baseball...)
Only barbeque sauce or dry rub

-There is no mayonnaise with hot dogs
Only mustard, ketchup, onions, chili, cheese, relish and cole slaw
(Even "Cosmic Dogs" doesn't offer mayonnaise...)

-There is no mayonnaise on corn dogs, fried chicken, french fries, fried pickles or others of the type (mmmphh...).

-There CAN be mayonnaise on hamburgers, croissant cheeseburgers, turkey sandwiches and other deli type sandwiches.

-And lastly, mayonnaise, butter and bacon are not major food groups.

So, try some leafy green vegetables of maybe some dusty dirt mmmm...

The Dad